The First of Many
Friday, August 13, 2010 - 2:15 PM I mean, why shouldn’t I have a blog? Everyone else seems to have one and I’m a relatively interesting person… Witty, self deprecating and all-around the most talented female on the planet. Why wouldn’t everyone in the universe want to read about my opinions and whole-heartily agree with everything I have to say? So here it goes. El día uno en la vida interesante de Brianna Rettig. That’s spanish for, “Day one in the interesting life of Brianna Rettig”. (That’s right, in case you didn’t know, I write in Spanish sometimes, just so people are reminded of how interesting I am). It’s fucking Friday the 13th. The day movies and dreams are made of. I woke up roughly at 11:30 AM to the sound of Mario Kart in the living room. This is my boyfriend Sal and my latest obsession. We say we’re doing it to get his kids more players and faster racing vehicles but really we do it because we’re addicts and we can’t stop. So I wake up, avert my eyes from the television, check my email and begin working on my poster for the show I’ve got coming up at the world-renowned Hotel Cafe on Wednesday, August 25th at 9 PM. You know, everyone’s heard of this place. It’s like the Hollywood Bowl but better. I was going to be opening for The Police, but apparently the reunion didn’t go as planned and now I’m rumored to just be opening for Yoko Ono. We’ll see. If you’re in LA, you should come check it out. I can’t put you on a list or anything, but tickets are only $10. Not bad for a Yoko/Brianna duet. Just watch out for the paparazzi, they can’t seem to leave me alone lately. They’ll ask you if you know me, probably bribe you with large sums of money to get the dirt on my personal life but being the decent men and women that you are I know you won’t succumb to such smut. The poster I’m working on is pretty magical and I’ve decided to let you into the super-special secret design. I mean, you are MY followers so I like to do things for the people who love and adore me. It’s basically a comic book drawing I did of myself fighting crime on a motorcycle. That’s my personal take of who I am as a person. You know, a real humanitarian who can’t help but selflessly save the planet on a regular basis. I mean, I barely have time to do this show what with all my charity work with Brad and Angelina in Zimbabwe but I can’t deny the public my talents any longer. I mean, my art is for the people and I won’t, nay, CAN’T refuse you guys this Yoko/Brianna reunion show again. I’m sure as most of you remember after the last Justin Timberlake tour he begged and begged that Yoko and I open for him but I had to refuse. The response to my decision was overwhelming depression and sadness and I promised myself I would somehow find a way to save the world and rock it at the same time. I said to myself, If U2 can do it then why can’t I? And you know what? I was right.
